Both of my dads parents passed away this year,before this I have never lost anyone close to me. I didn't really expect for the loss of my grandparents to effect me a lot, but it did, probably in more ways than I know. My best friend Sarah left me to go to college in Nebraska, the nerve of her going off and learning about Jesus... (that was sarcasm my friends). It's been kinda hard not having her around, not being able to just hang out with her and do absolutely nothing.
This year has also been one of the hardest in a spiritual sense. There have been countless struggles that seem to constantly bombard me, as soon as I get control of one another comes right at me. Trying to deal with a lot of different issues has really affected my prayer life and how I view God. God has been so quiet this year, this has resulted in added frustration and anger. I would have thought that a year full of struggles and hard times I would be feeling God's comfort, love and direction, this has not been the case. Things seemed to be looking up when I decided to attend RIT for international studies, an area that I thought I was very passionate about. It felt so good to get some direction and have a purpose. Unfortunately this was not God's plan for my life. After just one quarter I knew this wasn't for me, I hated it. If it wasn't for my major I would have loved it. Being involved on campus and seeing my friends constantly was great, I finally felt like I was a part of something. But hating my major and the $25,000 in loans is not the best way to feel like I belong somewhere. Now I have been really trying not to focus on the lack of guidance and direction in my life. I have no job and no idea what God has planned for my life.
I am aware that God is trying to strengthen me and mold me, and I hope I am up to the challenge.
Not everything about this year has been bad, and I have no regrets. It's just a very frightening time, a time where I need to put my complete in God, so much easier said than done...
Now for the positive. I am a small group leader!!!!! I simply adore me group and co-leader. I could not have asked for a better group of people. I believe that God had me attend RIT for a quarter just so I could get a chance to be a part of Diversity small group.
Another positive, my boyfriend. We have been together for over a year now! He's is a wonderful man and I am very blessed that God has allowed us to be together. He's always there to calm me down and give me perspective when I go to him with my problems. He provides me with much needed balance in my life. I am a huge worrier and Harry never seems to worry about anything. Harry, if you're reading this, you'll never know how much you mean to me.
Getting my thoughts down in typed or printed words is like a salve for my soul. Peace always accompanies writing.
Well folks, that about sums it up. Thanks for tuning in and until next time I remain simply myself.
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