Whatever it Takes

I was kinda freaking out a little last night, and here is why. It all started when I was at connect and I heard a song that Pastor and Mrs. Hannah sang. I don't remember the exact words of the song but I do remember a verse that talked about taking the dearest things from me so that I can be closer to you lord. That really touched me, and it wasn't just the Hannah's song, seeing them at the hospital and reading Nay's update shows the trust they have in God.

After hard thinking about the true meaning of trusting in God I prayed that God would do whatever it takes to make me close to him. After praying that thought I kinda forgot about all of this, and went on my merry way, but lately I have been reminded that this is what I need. I keep reading in the bible about people suffering, going through trials, not hearing from God, and having everything taken from them. I was reading Job last night, keeping Harry company while he was working on his computer, never for a minute did Job doubt God's love or perfect plan. I haven't been through anything nearly as horrible as Job and yet I have accused God of not loving me, forgetting about me and never being there for me, all of which are lies. It promises that God will never leave me or forsake me.

Steph had her bollywood party last week and we watched a movie called Straight from the Heart, you must be asking what this has to do with the rest of my blog, lol. In the movie the two main guys are talking in a church, here is what they say-
Guy 1- In my opinion God is everywhere, in fact God is between us right now
Guy 2- God is not between us, he is within us.
Guy 1- If he is within us, why does he hurt us?
Guy 2- Because we think of him when in pain and forget him when we are happy. He gives us sorrow so that we learn to love, and if we love selflessly it takes us closer to him.

Life lessons from bollywood movies, who would have thought?

Back to why I was freaking out, I finally put all of this together last night and decided that God must be trying to teach me something. Then I thought, if God is teaching me all this he must be planning to turn my life into a vast pit of sorrow and anguish. I started thinking it was stupid to pray for God to draw me closer to him through any means necessary, I like my comfortable life just the way it is, boring but free from any bumps. After calming myself down I realized, I don't want to live my life the way I always have, I'm tired of being comfortable and having everything come easy. I want to trust God because I sincerely know that he knows whats best for me. even though its scary to put my quality of life in God's hands I know its better there than having myself hold on to it.

I dedicate this to Nay and the whole Hannah family, you are an example to us all. Nay, I keep praying for you and your family. I know its hard but if you only knew how many people have accepted Christ or have grown closer to him I know it would make you happy.

Sorry this is such a long post, thinking all these thoughts take only seconds, but takes about half an hour to put down in words. I hope I am ready for God to use me and to mold and shape, I want to be the best christian I can be. I think I am ready to graduate from christian preschool.

Welcome to the Future

I was at Leaf and Bean today, bought myself an iced coffee and muffin, cause I was hungry. Sat down, but not in my usual spot because is was taken. Jen came through the doors a few moments later and then we both got comfortable for our weekly talk. Lots of topics were discussed, I don't remember most of them but I do remember when we talked about making choices. After large group this past friday a lot of people have been talking about taking action instead of just sitting waiting for everything to be perfect for God's plan, because that will never happen. There is no perfect plan, of course I believe that God has a plan for us but I think that we too often are waiting for everything to be spelled out for us. God doesn't always work that way, I would even be willing to say that God rarely works that way. Maybe God doesn't make everything clear so that we can practice having faith and trusting in him.

For most of my life I have refrained from doing anything until God has specifically told me to do it. Sometimes God tells me "Yes" or "No" but most of the time I just don't get an answer, which I used to just dismiss as a "no" from God. I have been afraid to make decisions for fear that I might miss out on God's plan for my life, but I think that as long as I stick to God's word and make smart decisions I can't go wrong. Of course writing all this down is a lot easier than living it.

Well lets just say I have been slightly more active in making decisions and taking actions for my future. Although I haven't received a clear answer from God regarding where to go to school or which career path I should be working towards I am a lot less afraid to at least do something so God can work through my actions.

I know that God has given me a love of cultures, a passion for the Arabic language and a desire to help people for a reason. I just don't know how God is going to put all of these puzzle pieces together to build the picture of my future.